When parentified children become adults and have kids

Parenting feels really hard.

Total inability to spend spontaneous time with children.

The play feels hard.

Cannot connect with kids.

Kids having needs and expressing them feels threatening, triggers rage.

Total inability to connect with one's own inner child hence can hate being around kids.

Kids might feel like a chore, and every kid may seem needy.

Extreme resentment towards partners, no matter how much they pitch in.

That exhaustion makes sense because you have been parenting LONG before you were actually supposed to parent.

So you come into parenting exhausted, disconnected from your body, and abused. Of course, when kids place any demands on your body or time, there is rage.

What to do about this?

Redirect resources - anyone above 18 can be responsible for their own emotions, and if they aren’t - see if you can share caregiving, so it’s not that exhausting. The people that need you most are your kids because they still need a lot of co-regulation before they can self-regulate.

You can either stop responding to the bottomless pit of adult caregiving with minimal to no reward or be an emotionally attuned and responsive parent to your kids. Choose wisely.

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