Are your parenting approaches a big source of conflict in your relationship ?
What are some communication patterns around this ?
Are we using Instagram parenting Gyaan as a way to feel superior to our spouses ?
Is parenting a team sport or does it feel like one more battleground and power struggle between the partners ?
What happens in your body when your partner's facial reaction/tone/body language changes when they parent your child ?
Is each parent reacting from a place of their own childhood wounds ?
Do you feel mutually supported in your own parenting journeys ? Is there love, empathy and acceptance for each partner to do their own work ?
Are your parenting values fundamentally aligned ?
What are some major areas of conflict? Hitting, yelling, academic achievement, food, sleep times, religion?
Parenting can feel like a custody battle, and then it becomes about who owns or controls the child rather than prioritizing connection, both between adults and with the children. Families being involved can add to this "battleground parenting" where one or both spouses have no intention of leaving the marriage but parent as if in the middle of a custody battle, constantly. It is about which side of the family "wins" the child.
When parents share details of conflict in the marriage with the child, they maybe asking them to take sides.
Children ,then grow up resenting this toxicity that they did not ask for. What are emotional boundaries in parenting ?
If you are parenting with significant differences in parenting value systems, I see you. You are also dealing with your own childhood triggers as you see this unfold. You may also be shamed for wanting to parent differently, or actively discouraged from doing anything different. I am sending lots of respect and empathy your way. Just know that every little change helps, and benefits your child in the long-term. This work is not in vain, even if you do not see any near-term validation from adults around you.